Chapter 33
Until the End of All Time
"Come in, Rev. Cooley. Thank you for seeing me."
"And who is this cute little bug?"
"Say hello, Allison." Allison mouthed the words and garbled innocence, mandolin rain.
"Allison Babbitt Haynes." "How old" "Six months young."
"Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world? Could you be, Allison?" The words resonated as Allison laughed and dug her face into Elizabeth's shoulder. Rev. Cooley kissed the back of Allison's head.
"Have a seat. I would offer a cup of London Tea but...."
"No thank you. I'm fine."
Rev. Cooley took in the Granville home, the sense of incompleteness in Elizabeth's mannerism, her countenance, a perceptible discord concealed from the outer world of dishes to be washed and a baby to be cleaned and clothes to be hung out to dry and dreams to be buried. As he looked into Allison's blue eyes and upon her white skin and blond hair, Rev. Cooley saw echoes, faint whispers of his old hero in scripture. Allison inherited Rev. Haynes' nose and smile. She bore her grandfather's family name. The Haynes line would live on in Allison's blood proving life was the best lasting triumph over evil. Rev. Cooley held his finger out for Allison to grab which she did.
"A strong grip. A strong grip means a strong character."
Elizabeth swallowed a smile. Rev. Cooley felt haunted by his own demons, his own suffering.
"What do you want to talk about, Elizabeth? Your mother-in-law told me of your sadness."
"Let me put Allison to bed first." "Good-bye little one." Allison looked at the strange man of the cloth, brought her tiny hands together as if to clap, and abruptly looked away. "Take your time, Elizabeth. I don't have anywhere to go."
Elizabeth stepped inside her bedroom and closed the door.
Alone in his thoughts, Rev. Cooley was seized with old waves of shame. ["I led the lion to the sheep to save myself. And now how do I live with what I did? The innocent child lost her father and...do I put it out of my mind...do I stay as I am and preserve the mask of respectability? I want the thoughts of guilt to go away....”]
"Allison's napping now," said Elizabeth upon returning to the parlor.
"Let's talk about your sadness, Elizabeth."
"I'm not sad. I'm angry in my despair.
"Why are you angry in your despair? I'm here to listen."
"I never thought much of his plan to pass for white. I always thought he should claim his heritage, his race, his father openly."
"But why are you angry in your despair?" pressed Rev. Cooley. He pressed from his insides, his own complicity in a fatherless Allison.
"I loved William. I supported William because I wanted a life with William," as Elizabeth's voice rose. She didn't care that Allison was napping. "Rev. Cooley, I'm grateful for all I have. Allison is beautiful. We have our house and mother-in-law. And still I rage in despair. What should I do? My despondency is unfair to Allison."
"Think about your blessings."
"There are times I can't sleep."
"The Lord will take care of your sorrows."
"You asked me why I felt anger in my despair. I'm going to speak plainly. I consider you a family friend, Rev. Cooley. Your book about my father-in-law was a lasting tribute to a great man of faith."
"Why must anger intrude if you are a woman of faith?"
"I have never cared about race! I never cared about skin color! If you covered my face and Williams' face, no one could tell who was black and who's white. I'm angry because the world made us care about color. The larger world came into our bedroom and made us care. I will always hate what the world has done to us. I will always hate the schemers like General Fessenden. He and the Anti-Slavery Society used William for their own purposes. And where are they at night when I sing Allison to sleep alone. Alone, alone."
He didn't want to speak. He didn't want to say anything. He was the one in despair. At least Elizabeth could rage against circumstance. He had never raged against the Senator for blackmail. He had never raged against the universe or himself. The guilt, the shame was bottled up inside.
"I gave my heart to my love, not a race, a skin color. I gave my heart to my love, the father of my Allison. Do you understand?" Elizabeth trembled in her feelings. "I never wanted a world where our precious baby was fatherless. Its a nightmare to me."
"No, Elizabeth. You don't mean that. You don't meant that," as Rev. Cooley held Elizabeth's shaking hand. "Allison is a precious gift."
Elizabeth remembered the night Allison was conceived. The fake white name. The odious scent of white freedom on William's face. The foreboding.
"Elizabeth, we live in a world not of our making. We are never given more than we can bear. Doesn't that knowledge comfort your soul?" Elizabeth started to gently tear up. "Was it wrong to not see color? Was it wrong to lie about race? I don't blame the oppressed slave but I do curse their self-appointed ambassadors, the Anti-Slavery Society. Is that wrong?"
The ethical and moral part of Rev. Cooley seized up. Was it better to take his truth to the grave or relieve his earthly soul of a sin? Only the Senator and his Granville allies knew of the dark transgressions committed in sanctuary. A less pious man might have swallowed truth for the greater good. Elizabeth's anger in despair became Rev. Cooley's pain in despair.
"I adored Rev. Haynes in life. William was so blessed to grow up in Rutland, Vermont surrounded by Christian men and women. Take me away for a while. Tell me about the Rev. Haynes that you knew, your close friend," asked Elizabeth. "Tell me about Rev. Haynes."
Rev. Cooley closed his eyes and prayed for guidance and deliverance. Tears grew up in his memories. Rev. Cooley began with the love an African house servant felt for a white maid from an Old Family. The love they felt for one another, stronger than color prejudice. The pregnancy and the times. The birth of a colored baby. A mother's prejudice against her own brown-skinned baby. The abandonment of the week-old baby with a white Christian family. A strict, disciplined upbringing. Daily scripture reading by candle every night. High intelligence. His first sermon. Urged to attend college. The honorary degree from Salisbury College. The love of his life, a mixed couple. His pastorate in Rutland, Vermont. A genius ahead of his time. Beloved by his flock. Color prejudice. All is lost. A Man of Faith to the End.
And as Rev. Cooley retold the story of a storied life, Elizabeth forgot her despair and found her strength to carry on, to carry on the bloodline. She would always love William but now, Allison needed her mom freed from resentments and grudges.
And Rev. Cooley found his power equal to his task.
He revealed himself to Elizabeth. He asked for permission to be honest, to live in truth. Elizabeth held Rev. Cooley's shoulder and looked into his eyes without judgment. He shared the first glance on the stairwell of the church, the question about a woman's property rights in her body, the counseling sessions born out of loss, the lunches, the long conversations, the closeness, the loss of innocence, the moment by the Charles River, the lies, the falsehoods, the deceits, the allies of the Senator, betrayal of William, a compromised life until the end of time.
When he was finished, he wept in Elizabeth's arms.
She forgave Rev. Cooley and herself and her hate of the Anti-Slavery Society. But the Senator....may the Lord have mercy on your soul.
Book of Deuteronomy 33:27
"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."
Wow! I wasn’t expecting a confession from Rev Cooley and admission of all of his transgressions.