Chapter 18
No Harm in Looking
"James says he stood up and spoke like a lawyer," Mary shared with William G. Mary continued to read her son's letter to William G. as they sat together by the fireplace in the parlor.
"He's on his way," said William G. with undeniable pride. "He's on his way." William G. took in another sip of Mary's best London tea. He thought to himself Mary seem more and more attractive with each visit. No harm in looking, he reassured himself as long as he did not touch.
"I hurt when James suffers. I had hoped James would not face prejudice while far from home. He needs family but my brother is 117 miles away in Brownington," said Mary.
"Mary, it sounds like the Whipples are wonderful abolitionists and good Christians. They will tend to his spirit," said William G.
"Do you really believe the Whipples are good for James?" Mary asked.
"I do," said William G.
Mary turned towards William G. and drew closer while respecting Christian boundaries in her mind. "Now, William G.," she began with her eyes brightened with interest, "You are fine with James living in a white home but not fine with William C., your son, working alongside a white man. Explain this race theory to me, Mary asked with a voice smitten women have used throughout the ages.
"Well, if you work under a white man, you are beholden to that white man's opinions. He butters your bread. However, boarding with a white man is like staying in a white hotel. The hotel has no influence on your opinions whatsoever," William G. said.
"I disagree. If you board with a white man, then you are prone to have conversations over breakfast and supper. It is natural. Hearing those viewpoints will influence the black boarder in some way. He may not agree with the view but he is forced to acknowledge and respond to them. If you board with a black man, then the views are going to be black views," said Mary.
"But what are black views? Take my mother-in-law, Susan Cooper. She owned slaves in Charleston, South Carolina. If you boarded in her home, you would have heard black views but her views would have embraced slavery. She's an extreme example but it shows there is no such thing as a black viewpoint or opinion on life or even slavery," William G. replied.
The back and forth between William G. and Mary went like this for the afternoon and well into the evening. For the first time, William G. had lied to Louise about his whereabouts. William G. had said he needed to attend to an out-of-town customer. Louise treasured accounts receivables, so she did not think much of his absence from home. And with the knowledge he had lied to this wife for the first time to be with Mary, he crossed a line in his mind. He had not committed a sin, just a breach of trust. Mary and William G. continued to talk as the hours passed. Mary brought out the brandy. William G. relaxed and opened his shirt a little. They began toasting with the brandy.
"I propose a toast to the most accomplished black man in these United States, Alexander Lucius Twilight," said William G. with a growing wooziness.
"No, I propose a toast to the most accomplished black man whose name shall not be known," said Mary with a giddiness accentuated by brandy.
"Here, here," said William G. The two clicked glasses and sipped away.
"I like you, Mary," said William G.
Mary's heart skipped a beat. "Why, William G.? Why do you like me?" Mary asked as her voice lowered.
"You can talk about race without inhibition. Race is so serious in the real world. It is nice to talk about race in a light way," shared William G.
"You know, William G., I have a secret," said Mary.
"What is your secret?" asked William G.
"Well, its not really a secret. You're a very handsome man. I oftentimes envy Louise because you belong to her," revealed Mary. Within her breast, a battle raged between the forces of honesty and the forces of Christianity. Christianity was losing.
"Louise and I don't talk much," said William G.
"Really?" replied Mary.
The brandy had worked its magic. All of the boundaries in his mind dissolved line-by-line. "We fight whenever we talk. She can't read. She has no ability to share dreams about race and possibility. She can only see what is in front of her ," said William G. And as he talked by the fire, he knew he had done wrong. He knew and he did not care.
"No one can fault a colored woman for not being able to read. Its out of our hands," offered Mary.
"I know but I'm so desperate for talk about race. I need to think about things, talk about things," said William G.
It had been months since Mary shared a bed with a man. The thought circled her mind and called out to her. She remembered her safeguard against weakness, her bible under her bed. She repeated "Rev. Lemuel Haynes" over and over again in her mind to steel herself from one William G.
"William G., you should go to Louise and make her feel special. Romance her. Remember the reasons you married her. Rekindle the embers. That is what you should do," Mary said.
William G. took his signal from Mary. He got up and prepared to walk home. As he reached for the doorknob, Mary came up to him and said the words a good Christian woman should say, "You belong to someone else. I cherish your friendship. You are a special friend to me."
"I need you as a friend," said William G. Mary closed her eyes and imagined herself on a sailboat with William G. in the Boston Harbor, the bright blue waves lapping against the bow of the boat and seagulls flying overhead and a touch of William G.'s arm.
"Good night, William G." said Mary as she opened her eyes. She wanted to kiss him on the lips. Only her respect for Rev. Haynes kept her inches away from William G.
"One day, I will give you a note," said William G. as he walked out the door that night. Mary shivered in her thoughts.