After his father storms off, John’s mother, Ann, says, “He’s scared you’ll spill the beans."
JOHN: The beans? ANN: The beans. JOHN: What beans? ANN: Oh, John, face it. Everyone’s got beans to spill. And, knowing you, you’ll find a way to spill ours….” — The Courage to Write: How Writers Transcend Fear by Ralph Keyes, p. 49
[Introduction: A family member once said she did not want me to ever write about the mindset of her ancestors, that they were “To The Manor Born.” I have kept that promise over the years but we are living in tumultuous times of untruth about race. Words no longer line up with reality. People should not be passing for Black to game the medical school admissions process. People should not be passing for White while living within spitting distance of black distant cousins.
Blackness is as infinite as the universe. There is no sharp line between me and my cousins. People should just be and embrace all of themselves. Be like my distant cousins Jimmy and Jacqueline…
Distant Cousin Dr. James E. Smith III
Distant Cousin Jacqueline]
Pull up a chair and give me a listen for a moment.
My fellow writers, creatives and non-conformers, we will never reach our potential about race until we lean into courage and write the things we know. We must not self-censor because someone is uncomfortable with inconvenient truths of Black Privilege. If we can see with our plain eyes that someone mouths the slogan words Blackness is Oppression. Nothing else matters while living in generational society, we must write about it. Otherwise, what are we doing? Why are we wasting your time, and my time, our time?
Like my favorite uncle now deceased Robert Daniel, incongruence annoys me to no end. Don’t virtue signal with your words and politics while enjoying generation after generation after generation of good fortune and far-sighted ancestors. Don’t assume there is only one way to be in the world. The city has nothing on the county. Spare me the All Cops Are Bastards (ACAB) Christmas present t-shirt. Oops, I almost forgot. My father-in-law is a New York City policeman. Why wear Kinte cloth, the colors of the Ashanti slave trader, if one is 52% white which places one in the top 1% of European ancestry among Black Americans? Is the compulsion to be hyper black a sign of racial insecurity?
These are the matters you and I must engage well if we aspire to greatness in our writing. Conformers will never open these doors. Only non-conformers are equipped for the heavy lifting of raw honesty on race.
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So, let’s talk about the phrase “To The Manor Born.” What does it mean? It is not a horrible phrase or something to be feared. The phrase just means one was born well-placed or situated for the passage of life. One came into the world like President George Bush, the son of President George Herbert Walker Bush and grandson of U.S. Senator Prescott Bush. One was destined for New Haven as a third generation Yalie. What is the problem? I admire family accomplishment and foresight over generations. For Black American families, legacy is an important armor against the dehumanization of prejudice and bigotry. This reality of life is true for all families, not just black families.
So, why would a family member solicit a promise that I never write about To The Manor Born? These are my speculations.
First, the family member sadly came of age during Black Nationalism and Black Panther non-sense. Growing an Afro to conform and fit in did not come easily. One had explaining to do if one could not grow an Afro. Aside from the hair, there was the physical appearance of oneself, close friends and family. If Black is Beautiful, where does that leave the teenager or young woman who is mixed in ancestry? How does one explain the summer place in the company of black revolutionaries? I, dear reader, grew up in a southern, small-town suburb. I avoided this racial drama in the 1960s and 1970s. Thank the Lord! Some were not so lucky in the Big City. So, my theory is the pride of grandparents from the Old Country (Virginia and South Carolina) was suppressed and repressed. One learned to disassociate from hints of aristocracy in one’s family past. Being the legacy of Aristocrats of Color was no longer a bragging point but a non-conforming dimension of shame.
What would community activists think if one was to the manor born? What would Malcom X and his wife think if one was to the manor born? Nothing good, I suspect. What would the Black Panther friend think? One can only imagine.
Second, time has moved on from the 1960s. No one cares whether distant ancestors believed they were born to the manor. I doubt anyone in the Tik Tok or Instagram or X generation even knows what the phrase means. We are dealing with a time lag when felt anxieties are more appropriate in the 1960s as opposed to the here and now in the 2020s.
Third, most people in San Diego have no conception of the 1800s. An old building in San Diego may date back to the 1960s or the 1920s, if one is lucky. This is not Virginia or South Carolina. In Virginia, one can stumble upon homes dating back to the 1750s like Oak Lawn, the family home of the Twymans in Earlysville, Albemarle County, Virginia. There is simply no context for the phrase to the manor born in these here parts.
Fourth, to the manor born goes against brand. If one conceives of oneself and presents oneself as an activist down with the people, there is no place for being born with a silver spoon in one’s mouth. See Skull and Bones and the Bush Family. I have been called an elitist by my wife and a random black republican woman at the doctor’s office. Long story. I have no branding problem with the label since my brand is not activism and rallies in the street. I present myself to the world as a lover of science fiction, Black Pioneer Lawyers, books, ocean views and desert valleys, and writing. When the black republican woman called me The Most Elitist Black Man she had ever met, I shrugged and thought she needed to get out more/smile.
My point is to the manor born is not an existential threat to my sense of self.
Finally, these difficult topics are good for the writer in our soul. We are forced to dig deep and confront issues that have remained below the surface. In doing do, we open up profound layers of insight. We may even be surprised, and taken aback, by what we uncover. And you know something? It is all good in the long run. We understand ourselves better and we bring into the world feelings, emotions underneath dogmas and slogan words.
No one is paper thin. No one is an avatar for a race. We all, everyone of us, are connected by nuance and complexity. Even those who would forget ancestors to the manor born.
Conclusion: To be black in America is endlessly fascinating to me. If one can find courage and peel back the protective covering of dogma and slogan words, one will find the messiness of culture and consciousness defined more by conformity than non-conformity, the collective more than the individual, the external more than the internal. Our duty as writers is to write in total freedom from fear and anxiety.
Transcend our fears and what do we discover? A whole new world, a new horizon and point of view beyond the manor born of our ancestors.
*My normal custom and common practice is an essay a day. Due to the currency of the eternal question What is Blackness, I am breaking my normal rule. My Free Black Thought podcast co-host Michael Bowen and I taped a fascinating conversation this morning about Who Is Black: Aspirational and Essentialism? The conversation inspired me to write this essay, To The Manor Born, and another essay about Does Howard University Make One Black? The Howard essay will be released later today. A three-essay day is highly unusual for me.
Tomorrow, I return to my normal rate of an essay a day.