Eulogy

By W. F. Twyman, Jr.

The hour is late.

I am writing from the kitchen while Tony Bennett sings Why Do People Fall in Love. Beats Gregorian chants in the living room. There are numerous deer in the area. It is interesting who we all are at different stages of relationships. There is the 34-year-long married couple who are there for one another during the stresses of funeral and burial details. It is what it is. Twelve different people may love a deceased loved one in twelve different ways. And we have to come together as a family in consensus. Then, there is the young executive whose girlfriend would meet the Harvard Business School Class of 1963 seal of approval. Smart and thoughtful and a solid presence. Any family would be honored for said addition. And then there is the tumultuous breakup that permeates every hour. There is a song that goes

Break up to make up, that’s all we do
First you love me, then you hate me
That’s a game for fools
Break up to make up, that’s all we do
First you love me, then you hate me
That’s a game for fools
Over and over and over and over — Break Up to Make Up by the Stylistics (1972)

As old parents with over half of a century of wisdom, one must walk a delicate balance between sage advice and allowing young adults to make mistakes and find their own way. Being a parent never ends.

I removed my mind from these cares and escaped into something more pressing, Eulogy (Black Mirror). Series 1, Episode 5 (April 10, 2025). Here is the setup. An elderly man played by Paul Giamatti , a classmate and acquaintance of my wife from college, is informed that an old girlfriend has passed away. The high technology company wants to compile memories for the funeral service. The problem, however, is that the character Phillip marked up and deleted every image of his girlfriend upon their breakup. Understandable at the time but a horrible loss when it comes time to remember someone for a memorial service. The tech company is able to transport Phillip back in time into each photo in order to help Phillip remember what his old girlfriend looked like. It is heartbreaking as so much time has passed and Phillip can never see her face in his mind’s eye.

At the end, there comes a memory when he is transported away in time and he can see his old girlfriend as a young woman again.

Pictures are so precious for remembering someone. I can tell you my wife and I look at weeks and months of pictures of a certain someone and our hearts ache about what might have been, might still be, perhaps should never be? I suspect creatives are cursed with profound feeling. They experience higher highs and lower lows in relationships. It is a roller coaster, a mercurial experience and perhaps not healthy in the end but it is not our place to say one way or the other.

After watching the Eulogy episode, I felt my own mortality and how one day the old girlfriends who so gripped my young soul will pass away one day as will I. And that realization made me sad. Thus is life.

Thus are the memories of young love.

Good Evening!