"How Is Your Dinner, Family?"

By W. F. Twyman, Jr.

As we ate our last supper, our delightful waitress asked “How is your dinner, family?” There were twelve of us seated at a long table. To American eyes, we would not be perceived at first glance as a family. Two in our party were German journalists bearing heavy German accents. Most in our party were of German, Maltese, Scot and Irish descent. My wife and I were descendants of American slaves.

I am not a big believer in race as a social construction.

However, every local here on the island greeted us warmly as “family.” Our waitress bearing our daughter’s name perceived us all as family. She did not perceive us through the lens of race. The same lens of family applied to another waitress who bore my Aunt Charlotte’s name. I recognized cherished family names in about half of the waiters. I was unfamiliar with this perception of family blind to race.

To be perceived as family above all else felt refreshing.

=========

I was this close to naming this essay Coconut Oil. Last night, my wife cornered the waitress who shares our daughter’s name. The word had gone out among the resort staff that my wife needed a hair product to protect her hair after a dip in the pool and ocean. A big ole’ 16.91 fluid ounce bottle of coconut oil was delivered to my wife which worked like a charm to prevent frizzy hair. My wife was overjoyed and made sure the waitress spread my wife’s appreciation around. These are small moments in the grand scheme but they show empathy and understanding.

They say the sound of one’s name is the most powerful sound in the English language. My wife and I were primed to like our waitress, the sound of our daughter’s name.

=========

So often in the States and if one is an individual, one has to be a contrarian to repel the misperception of others. Living as an individual wherein 76% of one’s racial group believes Blackness is extremely important or very important to one’s sense of self is exhausting. I am not referring to the misperceptions of others in, say, Jack and Jill or the People of Color Legal Conference. I am referring to non-Blacks who in good faith perceive black individuals as fringe. See my podcast with Charles C. W. Cooke. Cooke does not fall in this category to his credit but he recognizes the misperception of the black individual on the mainland…in the States.

=========

Soon, my memories this past week will be lost to the shadows of time. I will be returning home, to a place where we perceive race before we perceive human family. And I will miss island eyes that see family before skin color. If everyone is black, one learns to see other traits first. One learns to see more deeply into the inner person and what matters.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I captured island perception and spread island perception of personhood, of family throughout America? Wouldn’t it be nice?