Reminds me of the descendants of Thomas Jefferson; some cousins chose to embrace their shared heritage and some chose to dig down. I'm fascinated by genealogy and all my past "fathers" and "mothers" who've come from all over to make me who I am, but it's only when I bring up the Cayman branch that one of my relatives insinuates I only researched it because of the West African connection. She never challenges my research on the mothers and fathers from Sicily, Montenegro, Ireland, England and France. Such is life. Hopefully the cousin will figure out the 1950's have passed.
I like your attitude. Life goes on. And while life goes on, time doesn't stand still. Young cousins graduate and start college and finish college and create family memories. One can choose to miss out and become invisible, lost to one's family.
True story-- my wife learned of a 2nd cousin once removed who lived in Philadelphia. My wife had no memory of cousins in Philadelphia. Come to find out an ancestor married a nightclub singer from Jamaica which did not go over well with the Philadelphia siblings. So, the branches of the family lost memory of each other. Until yours truly played Sherlock Holmes and discovered the missing cousins in Philadelphia. We arranged to meet the heretofore forgotten Philly cousins. Excitement was in the air! We arrived at the condo building, took the elevator to the proper floor and looked around for cousin. She was excited to meet us too! We didn't see anyone, save a white woman on the floor. My wife and I instantly had the same thought -- could the white woman be long forgotten Philadelphia cousin? We asked, are you -----? She said, yes, and you must be ------! It is remarkable how the eye can see a white woman one minute and a black cousin the next minute. What's up with that? More research should be done on mental caricatures; i.e. how the American mind perceives a white stranger and a black cousin in the same minute. How the racial mind instantly adjusts in perception.
(I had the same perception experience today. I was watching the Glenn Loury podcast. The guest was a conservative white guy from Minneapolis loaded for bear and talk about George Floyd. I listened and appreciated the young guy's non-conforming perspective. He played it wise, I thought. About 2/3 of the way into his interview, he shared that his Mom was Black and grew up in the suburbs outside of Minneapolis. My perception of his race changed. However, his opinions were not race-based and he was coming from a suburban experience, like me. If anything, I felt more aligned with him not because of his race but because he knew the country/suburban experience like me. And he was a fellow graduate of Harvard Law School.)
It's good to hear you met more family. I believe we do see color first with everything in life because color is easy to identify, but problems arise when some put meaning to that color that isn't there. I was picking up my mother from the airport almost 20 years ago and I had stupidly decided to see what I would like look with bleached hair (my hair was almost black). My own mother didn't recognize me until I stood right in front of her and looked in her face. Then there's the fact that who qualified as "white" changed over time. I have Irish, Sicilian and Montenegrin ancestors that would not have been considered white. I believe the original clique membership only included the Anglos and northern Europeans. White seemed to be about who was in the clique and got to live life and participate in the economy, but it changed as the clique needed more members. We now see a similar clique game with BIPOC. This clip from the movie Life is Beautiful is how I see the foolish navel gazing of the race obsessed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rLCTuI6XOE
It's great that in your mind you keep trying to have connection with this relative. In spite of racial disavowal on your cousin's part, it seems like he/she might still be ready to engage at a base level. I suppose that's better than total hibernation. You never know when or if a deathbed or earlier revelation may happen. As some might say, letting go is probably the most difficult part of losing a relative, even when you are still motivated to reach out...if only in words. I've heard that such divides about race are not uncommon, but it doesn't make the pain any easier.
-We represented all possible skin tones in Black America. No one cares about skin color. We cared about one another as family. Family…the source of lasting memory, purpose and meaning in life.
I love this. We have bi-racial grandkids and a great big white family that we're going to share Resurrection Sunday dinner with again this year. It's sad what people allow to come between them and family.
Reminds me of the descendants of Thomas Jefferson; some cousins chose to embrace their shared heritage and some chose to dig down. I'm fascinated by genealogy and all my past "fathers" and "mothers" who've come from all over to make me who I am, but it's only when I bring up the Cayman branch that one of my relatives insinuates I only researched it because of the West African connection. She never challenges my research on the mothers and fathers from Sicily, Montenegro, Ireland, England and France. Such is life. Hopefully the cousin will figure out the 1950's have passed.
I like your attitude. Life goes on. And while life goes on, time doesn't stand still. Young cousins graduate and start college and finish college and create family memories. One can choose to miss out and become invisible, lost to one's family.
True story-- my wife learned of a 2nd cousin once removed who lived in Philadelphia. My wife had no memory of cousins in Philadelphia. Come to find out an ancestor married a nightclub singer from Jamaica which did not go over well with the Philadelphia siblings. So, the branches of the family lost memory of each other. Until yours truly played Sherlock Holmes and discovered the missing cousins in Philadelphia. We arranged to meet the heretofore forgotten Philly cousins. Excitement was in the air! We arrived at the condo building, took the elevator to the proper floor and looked around for cousin. She was excited to meet us too! We didn't see anyone, save a white woman on the floor. My wife and I instantly had the same thought -- could the white woman be long forgotten Philadelphia cousin? We asked, are you -----? She said, yes, and you must be ------! It is remarkable how the eye can see a white woman one minute and a black cousin the next minute. What's up with that? More research should be done on mental caricatures; i.e. how the American mind perceives a white stranger and a black cousin in the same minute. How the racial mind instantly adjusts in perception.
(I had the same perception experience today. I was watching the Glenn Loury podcast. The guest was a conservative white guy from Minneapolis loaded for bear and talk about George Floyd. I listened and appreciated the young guy's non-conforming perspective. He played it wise, I thought. About 2/3 of the way into his interview, he shared that his Mom was Black and grew up in the suburbs outside of Minneapolis. My perception of his race changed. However, his opinions were not race-based and he was coming from a suburban experience, like me. If anything, I felt more aligned with him not because of his race but because he knew the country/suburban experience like me. And he was a fellow graduate of Harvard Law School.)
Thanks for your comment.
It's good to hear you met more family. I believe we do see color first with everything in life because color is easy to identify, but problems arise when some put meaning to that color that isn't there. I was picking up my mother from the airport almost 20 years ago and I had stupidly decided to see what I would like look with bleached hair (my hair was almost black). My own mother didn't recognize me until I stood right in front of her and looked in her face. Then there's the fact that who qualified as "white" changed over time. I have Irish, Sicilian and Montenegrin ancestors that would not have been considered white. I believe the original clique membership only included the Anglos and northern Europeans. White seemed to be about who was in the clique and got to live life and participate in the economy, but it changed as the clique needed more members. We now see a similar clique game with BIPOC. This clip from the movie Life is Beautiful is how I see the foolish navel gazing of the race obsessed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rLCTuI6XOE
It's great that in your mind you keep trying to have connection with this relative. In spite of racial disavowal on your cousin's part, it seems like he/she might still be ready to engage at a base level. I suppose that's better than total hibernation. You never know when or if a deathbed or earlier revelation may happen. As some might say, letting go is probably the most difficult part of losing a relative, even when you are still motivated to reach out...if only in words. I've heard that such divides about race are not uncommon, but it doesn't make the pain any easier.
Oh, life goes on. It is just part of the human condition.
-We represented all possible skin tones in Black America. No one cares about skin color. We cared about one another as family. Family…the source of lasting memory, purpose and meaning in life.
I love this. We have bi-racial grandkids and a great big white family that we're going to share Resurrection Sunday dinner with again this year. It's sad what people allow to come between them and family.
Thanks as always for your kind comments.